Hello~

How long has it been since i post something here.. very long i think~ Oh and by the way i like the changes! I have been away from Singapore. After i come back, a lot has happened.. A lot has changed.. so have i. I get jealous easily... I get angry easily.. why?.. i really don't know.. I tried to control.. I tried... i really did.... but it gets harder and harder... why are you making my life so difficult.. i'm tired.. really.. yes i like you.. but so what.. you don't bother.. and what's worst having a friend that make you jealous.. how nice.. though i know is not her fault.. but still.. you don't have to do this to me.. it hurts you know.. my English is turning from bad to worst.. my Chinese is improving but in a Malaysia way... my Malay.. never good to start with.. "it" knows me, but i don't know "it".. haiz~

Sound of Water 【3D sound】

HURTS - The Water (with Lyrics)

I want to slide into the ground and dissapear.....argh whatever.. it's pain pain pain. it's like being locked up in a huge dark cellar all by yourself. hearing voices... echoing from time to time.. with a knife in hand.. and then some... remains.. of what looks like you killed your close ones..

It may not turn out fantastic, but still i will try.

but sometimes i feel so tired. i just feel like lying down and just wait..

im cautious because i know im not that strong. so if anything were to come down on me. i might not be able to handle it all.

and also because i really feel i cant rely on anybody at all. like the wouldnt have probably understand.. and like my parents or life have taught me.

that showing your weak side might just be giving someone else a chance to harm you even more then you are already injured..

I guess in a way i am trying to keep myself alive.. but then sometimes i truely wonder if it would might have been easier to die.

but guess i am a true sadist of myself. just keep telling myself.. that things will become better if i keep working on it. but i know inside..

that i dont believe that it will come true.

living has taught me how vulnerable a person can be and how helpless it can seem.. yet maybe i want to try, till one day, i lay on my own death bed.

I hope you like the new additions for our blog...

:D

Forgotten?

Haven't been writing here.. I guess i really can't keep the habit of writing how i feel down... What i usually do is keep everything to myself.. until it disappear somehow.. it will come back eventually... still i find it hard to tell anyone.. and i also don't have the habit to write it here... keeping everything to myself seem to come to me so naturally.. maybe it takes time? i don't know.. But i will try.. try to type everything here.. i just need time... i guess...

Choke up with unsaid words... but then maybe i wont ever get to say it ever.
Cause walking away might be better.

Maybe..

If i were to disappear suddenly..
I doubt anyone would notice..
In this world, i have no idea who cares and who doesn't..
Why is reality so cruel..
If..
icouldchangeeverythingmaybeiwouldreallymaybeiwouldforabettermeandabetterworldaworldwithnomorecruelrealityjustapeacefullworld..
Maybe..
I really don't know..

The unknown path

Is there a way that i could stop worrying about everything?
A way to not worry about what comes next?
I'm tired of dreaming a dream that won't come true..
Everything just seems so impossible..
Everytime when you think things are finally going my way, it just crash infront of me..
To get disappointed everytime you walk down a new path..
Sometimes i really want to shout I GIVE UP!
Seriously!.. I really do!
So i have no idea why do i bother walk on..

Keep running forward.!!

laying here.

Make friends with your "evil" side.

the reason for the " " marks is because they arent that Evil,

they do things for a purpose.

either because you suppress your emotions too much,

or the way you act hurt you or others.. they become that "evil"

but then maybe instead of calling it evil, try to understand it.

It's purpose of existence..

Negotiate things with them,

talk to them,

most of all be friends with them. :D

Feel it all in you.

Feel your own emotions,

whatever comes by,

question them.

What makes you feel them.

why are they here anyways?

what to learn from them?

I need a rest..

Never hope for too much.. cause honestly i am very disappointed.. but for some reason i predicted it.. i'm tired.. very.. it just means 'fate' doesn't like me a lot.. i feel that i have been walking around in circles.. and for some reason each circle i walk i get more and more lost.. is there not such thing as a way out? i always have been telling me that tomorrow will be better.. but seriously which tomorrow has been better? that is like the worst lie ever.. the effects of that lie is not only fading away.. is like a poison that makes everything much more worst.. more worst then you can ever imagine.. i really wish i could be drown in my own dreams.. and never wake up.. the words i always hear is that i will find the way.. where is the way when i can't even see myself.. is like darkness everywhere.. now i just hope that tomorrow's break i can see everything much more clearer.. i need a break myself..

Hopes..

Those feelings are coming back again.. should i welcome them back? should i chase it away? what should i do? i have no clue.. sometimes.. i really wish.. my dreams and imaginations were true.. sometimes i wish i could be in the anime world.. sometimes i wish everything would just go well for once.. for some reason all that only made my determination to create a imaginary world stronger.. a place where you can choose to be any character you see in the anime.. a place where you can restart over again and again.. a place where things a much more kinder.. a place where everything is just so beautiful... a endless blue sky... everything under one sky... maybe i could make it true.. something like sword art online.. a virtual world.. and endless types of games, experience.. a love story... a pirate's adventure... a mage life... a mafia world.. a places where everything and anything can happen.. a place where is all about you..

I want to disappear..

Sometimes.. when i think about it.. it is actually not that bad.. i'm afraid i will miss that place.. i really have no idea what i want or what i really need.. why are these feeling keep coming to me.. why does it get more and more confusing as days goes by.. i thought it will be clearer on what i need to do.. what i must do.. but i end up more and more confuse each day.. what is it this world want from me? what is it that you people want from me? what is it that my life want from me? tell me! if i can i will give.. i'm tired.. and i need a break.. a freaking long break.. to keep me away from my thoughts.. from my hopes.. from my dreams.. from this torture.. from this nightmare.. from life.. from myself.. please leave me be.. leave me alone.. i want to hide a corner where no one knows.. just treat me like i never existed.. maybe everything will be better then..

Dark end.

I will turn. I will run. i will burrow into the darkness. i will slowly.. walk to my end.

The Storm

Everything in a whirl. so tired.. so confusing. i think im already lost. it's painful. inside. outside.. my mind is like a room of mess up pages... Revenge. Redemption will be more befitting.

COMPLAIN!!!

Okay i have a lot to complain.. really a lot.. till i have no idea where to start or how to start.. but let's just conclude everything.. Person A is irritating.. Person B is annoying.. Person C Doesn't even keep promises.. Person D (For you info i am a human no a machine).. Person E you think i am god? how would i know everything.. == Person E don't blame me for everything.. Person F seriously don't give me that.. i so want to punch you.... Person G thanks for helping!! :) Person H you have a scary face i don't want talk to you again.. okay i know there are a lot more people but i am lazy typing out all my complain cause i know is not of any use.. and if i were to type anymore i am afraid i would name out every single one of them.. so i will stop here.. thank you for listening to my complain.. I'm super pissed!

Poison..

I don't know why..
I really don't..
Why is it that every year i seem to get this poison..
This poison is annoying...
Irritating...
Seriously, someone please save me..
I don't want to get torture by this poison all over again..
Every year is different people..
But is the same poison..
Oh my god..
Seriously i had enough!!!
This is the last time!
Please let it be the last time.. :(

Walking towards an eternity of unhappiness*. (*today's mood)

Why?

Things will never be the same
Why do you choose to ignore me at such a time?
Why do you bother coming back when you already left?
Please when i finally decided, please don't change your mind..
Is not fair..
I am like waiting forever..
And i don't like it..
Nor do i have the time and strength to..
I really wish you could be honest with me..
But why are you always running away from me..
I don't bite..
I wish you would come to find me as and when you like..
Call me..
Sms me..
Anything..
But it seems like it is meaningless to you..
Does it mean that i am just too silly waiting for something that will never change?
All i can do is wish, hope and believe..
But seriously is there any use?
I give up..
Let the wind take me..
Take me far and high..
And maybe you will miss me..
Or not..

To you.

I going to go.

And never come back.

sorry that i might not be the best of friends.

but i did my best.

i wont be back.

i hope you will have a better life.

No One Else.

It feels like death has tread..

Closer to me..

closer to you.

I do not want to bound you to me

But i wish to..

my faraway love

and friend

I do not care..

if you would not see me eye to eye.

if you have no emotion for me.

as long as im beside you.

I would not care for any other.

pain if any kind

from being apart from you

does not matter

as long as im in your heart..

or that you are in mine.

it will ofcourse be paradise

if we could be together.

till death do we part.

but that my friend is just wishful thinking

on my part. pay no heed to it.

The first few miraculous moments of life were stem from being able to befriend you.

ofcourse i feel quite deeply for many others as well.

but what does that matter if the time spent wasnt mutual ?

but for our case it was something beyond dreams.

still remember the time we play with paper planes..?

the times.. when we got punish because we talk too much in class?

or those times went on spider/insect catching together..?

towards you.. my feelings flow endlessly.

but then time.. will probably take away the past glory

before that time. i will break my heart first.. or prepare for such an event to happen

i want it gone.

i didnt want it gone.

no one will be able to come closer in to my heart then you did.

no one.

Things you should know..

As green as the grass
As blue as the sky
Is the ocean reflecting the sky
Or is the sky reflecting the ocean
Is the sun yellow, white, red or orange?
Am i evil or are you just too good?
Am i crazy or are you just too normal?
Am i sad or you just look happier then me?
Am i wrong or you are just correct?
These all doesn't matter..
Because everyone has a bit of everything..
They just show it at different times..
To different people..
It doesn't matter from who's point of view you are seeing..
So long you understand "They are not who you think they are!"

Falling in Love

Freezing degrees.

Below ground.

Stomping out.

Painting a, ground brown.

Time is frail.

love has faded

within that moment it's a new end.

The lonely wind..

A world of green, covered up turning into the word of grey.. Standing on the highest top wondering why.. Fluffy clouds floating no knowing where it's going to go.. A gust of wind blow pass.. singing a sad song.. a song that no one heard of.. not if you stop and listen.. The wind has been living on while everyone age and dies.. the warm of the wind shows it hasn't given up.. but soon everything will come to an end.. the winds knows.. singing a song hoping everyone will hear it.. it got sadder as it knows no one would stop and listen... not giving up the wind continues to sing.. and then it finally realize people that are able to hear the song when they given up hope and ready to give up.. singing to calm you down.. giving you hope again.. so whenever you are sad.. look up, and feel the wind.. listen to the song that it has been singing.. and maybe you will realize the world is not that bad afterall.. The wind is with you.. always will be.. :)

Age...

Vines bind.

Tied to each other.

The more further, we are

the more the pricks pierce in to our skin

Trickling blood.

Warm but

Cold.

what does tomorrow bring,

we only can wept and feel what

today bring to us.

Tomorrow

is now.

Yesterday is now.

Now is forever.

We could only hope that load be unbundled and

grow in to something more then this grief,

an eternal joy.

To live or to die.

today we shall find that answer.

for tomorrow

for yesterday.

and for both we shall find them in today.

Unexpected

Everytime when i think things doesn't happen it proves me wrong. I feel so tired.. just when you wanted to give up, something will always happen to give you hope.. but as times goes by i found out is harder to grab on hope.. i always end up letting go.. why do i even bother caring about it.. so stop giving me hope when you don't even bother about it.. everything comes and goes.. so i am treasuring what i have now.. (Friendship, family.. whatever i have now) i am not going to bother about what i lost anymore.. it just means it is fate that is not mine.. i may still like that person but oh well.. whatever i don't want care anymore about that. Say sorry while you still can.. because went you lose it, it may never come back.. even if it did come back it may never be the same again..

A brand new beginning :)

Today is a brand new beginning for both the blog and sharing secret with a friend. I guess this will be my diary from now on! :) Haha! must learn to smile more from now on! :)

Hey, This is my first entry for our new blog~! XD