It may not turn out fantastic, but still i will try.

but sometimes i feel so tired. i just feel like lying down and just wait..

im cautious because i know im not that strong. so if anything were to come down on me. i might not be able to handle it all.

and also because i really feel i cant rely on anybody at all. like the wouldnt have probably understand.. and like my parents or life have taught me.

that showing your weak side might just be giving someone else a chance to harm you even more then you are already injured..

I guess in a way i am trying to keep myself alive.. but then sometimes i truely wonder if it would might have been easier to die.

but guess i am a true sadist of myself. just keep telling myself.. that things will become better if i keep working on it. but i know inside..

that i dont believe that it will come true.

living has taught me how vulnerable a person can be and how helpless it can seem.. yet maybe i want to try, till one day, i lay on my own death bed.